These are my thoughts

Poetry, lyrics, songs, anything that express me

Im so scared of someone reading this

My expectations for this summer was. Come back all my old friends, everybody loves me, I make new friends, I go to party’s etc. Basically I become this alter ego that I’ve always wanted to be. 

Obviously things didnt work out like that. I didnt expect myself to be so nervous and shaky to meet them. I got bored. I started to slump. I went into my little safe dream place. I’ve only seen two of my old friends this summer, and I had many more opportunity’s to see them. I didnt take them, I went to the movies and I went to the mall and I took walks. I thought that I would get into the gist of reading again and become my old self. I actually havent read a lot of books this summer and I dont feel like my old self. 

My mum told me to reflect and figure out things about myself. I have no idea what I should do. I could go over how I basically screwed up everything my uncle asked me to do. Ive spent so much time on this computer and watching tv and its wasted my time. I’ve put a stand still on me and my dads relationship. I probably gained weight instead of losing it. When one of my friends came to visit we practically fought the whole time.

Nothing I wanted to happen happened. I didnt get a job, I didnt make friends, and I didnt raise my math grade. I have no idea what I learned this summer. 

My dads always singing this

The though of moving to Hawaii is giving me a headache. I do not want to move. Yes yes Hawaii is so wonderful and so pretty and just sooo enjoyable. For god sakes I dont want to fucking move. I dont want to adjust again. Now I feel like throwing up. This is not a good feeling at all. I hate being so unsure of things. I think im going to be a fucking month late to school. How the fuck am I going to adjust. Im not ready for any of this, its too much to think about. Oh god and I have to think about who I want to hang out with, make friends. I dont want this at all. I just feel so crappy and moody right now.