These are my thoughts

Im so scared of someone reading this

My expectations for this summer was. Come back all my old friends, everybody loves me, I make new friends, I go to party’s etc. Basically I become this alter ego that I’ve always wanted to be. 

Obviously things didnt work out like that. I didnt expect myself to be so nervous and shaky to meet them. I got bored. I started to slump. I went into my little safe dream place. I’ve only seen two of my old friends this summer, and I had many more opportunity’s to see them. I didnt take them, I went to the movies and I went to the mall and I took walks. I thought that I would get into the gist of reading again and become my old self. I actually havent read a lot of books this summer and I dont feel like my old self. 

My mum told me to reflect and figure out things about myself. I have no idea what I should do. I could go over how I basically screwed up everything my uncle asked me to do. Ive spent so much time on this computer and watching tv and its wasted my time. I’ve put a stand still on me and my dads relationship. I probably gained weight instead of losing it. When one of my friends came to visit we practically fought the whole time.

Nothing I wanted to happen happened. I didnt get a job, I didnt make friends, and I didnt raise my math grade. I have no idea what I learned this summer. 

I absolutely cannot wait to learn this year

I think im going to start riiiiight…NOW

The though of moving to Hawaii is giving me a headache. I do not want to move. Yes yes Hawaii is so wonderful and so pretty and just sooo enjoyable. For god sakes I dont want to fucking move. I dont want to adjust again. Now I feel like throwing up. This is not a good feeling at all. I hate being so unsure of things. I think im going to be a fucking month late to school. How the fuck am I going to adjust. Im not ready for any of this, its too much to think about. Oh god and I have to think about who I want to hang out with, make friends. I dont want this at all. I just feel so crappy and moody right now.